No Greater Height
by Full-RoseBell-Kuchiki
Summary: Yaoi,Thel x Rtas.    A heart felt confession from the Arbiter in his mind to his beloved friend master chief who isn't there to talk to.  Angst and love.  Sorrry it got so weak towards the end


It is something I still cannot understand. I was never truely like this before, I never desired anothers touch and to touch another, not anything more than a congratulating or agreeing handshake. Even when the marines embrace their brothers in celebration as they win the small battles that make up this war is too much stomach at times.

So why this? Despite my loathing of emotions being physically manifested that I need to see the scars and bruises? Why do I want proof there that he laid his hands upon me, made me his even for a fleeting night...and that I crave his attention silently within myself when he does not want me there in his bed?

Almost every night I lie with him, sometimes willingly, other against my will, but every time he gets his way, it's easier for me to let him do as he pleases with my body, for as long as I am in his quaters I am his toy.

Name, Rank, every thing is stripped and I become nothing, an object to be used and abused, treated like and spoken like a common whore, I would never have thought that my lot would come to this. But if I am no longer truth's then who do I belong to? In all reality I am an unknown soldier fighting a cause for seemingly no one.

I am, the monument to Covenant's Sins,The lies of Truth, The Blood of The Innocent, I am the one that bears your hopes,desire and future in the palm of my hand. I am Thel 'Vadamee dishonoured but not dismised.I am The Last Arbiter...and I have been a slut...

Tonight is no different, as always he sends one of his underlings to my room with a message that he wants to speak with me about matters of 'great importance' and that I should attend in a half hour of when I recieve the is always played out this way, how the others have not come to suspect is a miracle, though in my heart of hearts I feel that they already do, how could they not. As I bear my soul to you now I am healing from the previous night. shoulders and back scarred, possibly not for life, something was playing on his mind, I could tell.

No matter how hard I try to resist I find myself weak and wanting, I want to please him even though I would happily destroy him for what he does. I am confused and sometimes frightened as to what I have become. I am not the Elite I once was.

I have complicated my life. He loves me, he loves me not. What do I care now?

Do you hate me for this, for these sins that my heart cannot bear to say, I have no where to turn and no one to help, because I feel like i owe him this. He is a grown man and has needs, I feel pity for him because he is tired of this, tired this war, tired the covenant, of our past that you cannot seem to let go of even when those around you have. I want to make a difference. To truely absolve my sins.

My time is up now, I must leave my quaters, and you can't know what happens next. These walls have become my hell and my Sanctuary, where I am left alone with only my wounds and thoughts. As usual a young major waits for me by my door so that he can escort me to where I need to be, I can feel him judging me even now, with his eyes as he gives my dressings the once over, this armour hides very little. He follows me through the corridores, close enough to 'intimidate' but far enough that I cannot spontaneously attack him, I am not allowed to be armed on theses 'meetings' but I can shatter another Elites face with my fist if I see fit. We walk in silence, it suits me fine I can't stand this lap dog of his, this major, I know his sort, would bend over for the Flood if it ment he could spite some one and get further ahead.

When we arrive at the Ship Master's quaters I feel sick to my stomache, but once I'm in their I'm no longer mine. I hope you are ready for this. The major smuggly looks at me and knocks on the door. i can hear him from inside, through the door he tells the major where to go, he's anger, no frustrated, by something again. He waits a moment then opens the door but hides behind it, in case the major still might be there. See when he gives the message he is still in his armour, a perfect picture of what all Elites should aspire to be, as soon as the major leaves, he readies himself for my company, discarding armour. tonight he looks beautiful, even though I want to have no opinion on it what so ever.

I have never seem him as such an image before. I can tell he has not long bathed, his skin still sparkles with some stray droplets. His figure is outlined so perfectly in a lily white robe, I've never seen him wear it before. Why can't I help but stare. The way he appears, so pure, so virginal is the complete opposite to what he is when he unleashes himself upon me. The door was bearly closed for a minute before he shoves me hard back into it, pinning me between his pelvis and the door. I have long since for gone base layers on these nights, they are nothing less than pure evil to get off and it angers him more. I suppose I'm glade there are crotch plates on this armour.

He bites at my neck and I turn myface away from him as best as I can, it feels so strange, as you know about half his jaw, well in the kindest terms, not being there anymore. His strong hands run up my sides, I shudder uncontrollably, i know what they are doing, prising off pieces of my armour that cover my deltoids and ribs. I hear them dropping to the floor with a dull metallic thrashing sound, surely it can be heard on this level. I loosen it, in my thirty minuets of preparation time, enough not to be noticed when looked at be enough to be noticed with hands with intent. His hands travel downwards again passed my hips, they dance along my crotch plate, but that doesn't go yet, no I have to be releived of the thigh guards first. While he does this I must stand quietly with my arms around his waist, i cannot help but wonder if he does this because he is too proud to admitt he's lonely. Shoulder plates, thigh and shin guards all fall to the floor like metal autumn leaves. He savers the removal of the neck braces. When he does this he looks right into me eyes, and I into his. You can still see some green flecks when you look long enough, drifting amind the pool of amber.

Something takes over me tonight though, I start to work at the knot he tied in his soft robes. He handles my jaws so gentle as he removes the plating on them, i truely think he feels all alone. He sweeps my hands away, he will not be made to feel vunerable, it will not happen. He takes over from my hands had been doing. The light material floats to the flows like snow itself. Violently he pulls me close into him, again bitting at my neck once again, one hand on the small of my back the other working at removing my helmet. But as always he leaves it, just like the plating on my arms, he leaves that too. i guess he likes there to be something visual to remind him of who there is under him.

I cannot really figure his mood, that makes me apprehensive because you then cannot tell is he is going to be exceptionally cruel or where he he's going to exacute his will. Bed, floor, desk, I have been known on all of them, even in the shower. Thinking about it and seeing the lists of where and in the many ways he's had me, it only confirms it. I am but a slut, I am no better than the whores that I despise when i see them in the streets! This is one of the reasons I cannot go back home. Please, please forgive me.

As he stands there, simply running his hands over me, and tracing my brand. I hate that. If i have to look at myself in the mirror, i have to cover it as best I can with my hand, I can't bear to look at it too often, it depresses me.

I can feel his arousal as he stands so close, i know my lines perfectly each night starts the same yet ends differently each the time, some times sweet, others I end up dragging my carcuss to the nearest medical post. He lets go of me feeling that things are getting too cosy and I have too admitt they away from the door he settled on the edge of his bed, looking away from me and out the window at the stars as they glowed with an ethereal purple glaze connecting them. He sat and with his long slender fingers rubbing his well hidden damped lips as his member began to emerge. After it had fully emerged he turned back to me, it felt awkward to say the least normally his attention is fixated on me, he beckonded for me to come over obediently I crossed the room and knelt before him staring up into his eyes again. Why am I so fixed on them tonight?

" Tell me,Arbiter. Do you like what you see?" I wasn't excepting that.

"Truely I cannot tell."

"Hmm...Too bad." I looked up at him, what was he going to do with me. I remember once, he made a comment, it was either our third or fifth night together, it set the tone of our encounters to come. Telling me that was just an expensive toy, his expensive one elses.

"What would you have your Arbiter do?"

This time he really did remove my helmet, I knew what was to come. Taking him with great care my throat opened in welcome, I have long stopped choking,disgustingly i have taken a shine to him stuffing himself into my face, I could feel my jaws water as pushed down till he was deep as a could allow for the sake of breathing. I can feel everybeat of his pulse as I continue this service, I know he likes this because he's gripping my shoulders pressing his finger tips right in the same places where the bruises are from last nights antics, it's painful and I wish he would not do this, it is as if he knows they are there.

I cannot remember how long this has gone on for. Months, a year, it has all blended together. Though time has little meaning in your absence, my sweetest friend. Instinctively I grab his hips as they buck forward on their own accord, his nails digging deeper into my flesh. This is my punishment, this is my abomination, these are scarrs for my sins. For some time I knelt before him, with his full glory buried deep within my throat, I really had become the lowest to show such submission, feeling his limit soon to burst I gladly choke him back out of my face, he has always said he'll be damned to let me have the taste. One of his hands slides from my shoulder and claspes around my neck, squeezing the life out my already broken body, I am not as strong as I was some time ago, the marathons of satisfying his physical desires would break a weaker man but I refuse to be made useless.

When the light starts to darken for me he releases his grip safe in the knowledge I will not fight back, I swore my obience and he has accepted it. As I lie panting I watch from the floor as he opens a drawer in his nightstand, no one would question what he kept in there, brandising a pair of small energy fields he kneels beside me, forces me to my feet and locks them into place around my wrists, enjoying it as he watches me test my bonds. Ashamedly i too has surcome to this, my own arousal rigid with anticipation, a reminder of what I have become. This is it, this is what I have come to be addicted to, what I crave.

I only want what I can't have, and need what I don't want. It's cruel how they work, if you lift your legs the entire wait of your body is taken in your shoulders, it is a considerable strain, even when he is there to take most of my weight. He steps in close to where I am, his tip against mine, it makes me want to flinch and to moan like the whore that I am but I have my pride and it stops me, only allowing a ragged gasp as a single drop of clear liquid escapes my tip.

It doesn't go unnoticed, he sees it almost immediatly when it formed. He delitcately touches me there and wipes it one his own, smuggly tilting his head and giving me a sidelong glance, before pulling my hips right into his, running his hands down the backs of my thinghs then heaving me up, sliding his hips below me.

" Weeping so soon? You're getting greedy. your just a slag 'Vadam...and so I'll treat you like one."

"I am your Arbiter, I carry your will, cammand me as you please."

I have often heard stories, rumors about how the Prophets would treat Arbiters before me, toy with them, treat them as a slave of pleasure before sending them to their deathes, thus I have often wondered if that the lack of them doing so to me has sealed this fate upon me.

Feeling him hovering just outside my entrace breaks me from my ponderings. What is to come is what I feel in the morning, why I am disgruntled and would only really hurt you, it gives away the secret of my hidden life. Without preparation or ceramony he pierces me, ripping the soft lining, bursting blood vessels and pushing against protesting muscles, I prey that I will bleed heavily, lessen the pain. It is too hot, tears stream from my eyes uncontrollably. Yet pride once again steals my tongue, I cannot scream, I cannot look weak!

Like second naturae my legs tighten around his waist, my abomanial muscles contract, causing a searing burn across my front that is only exagerated by his own body heat. Giving no time to adjust he thrusts hard and fast into my body, like I am but a peice of meat. Each thrust I can feel my ring of tissues tearing and I can feel the blood flow. Peering downward I can see the purple smeering his lenght and thighs, I do not wish to see the state of my rear. Like a rabid animal he clamps down onto my shoulder and digges his teether deeper as I flinch, from the corner of my eye I watch yet more of my blood run down my chest and sides, down his throat too.

His nails claw at my back scratching my skin leaving light trails of scuffed skin. One of his hands rests on my shoulder and begins to push me down, further onto him until he is buried in me right to the hilt. He complains about my rear being so tight and hard to push into. I cannot understand how, the nightly abuse it takes would suggest I would become easy. THis continues for some time until he is almost ready for release, though he is not ready to spill his seed into his vessel just yet.

Letting go he exited my body extremely fast. The effect of his movement caused the blood he had drawn to gush down my legs. Withdrawing his teeth from my shoulder, pushed my legs back down, they felt so unstable like watching a sappling bending in the wind, the burn in my stomache ceased slightly and the stretch is welcome. When my eyes are again open he is not there, but I can feel his breath on my back, it's warm and good and kills my objections to these nightly abuses wholy. He is good to me, he really is, none of the other commanders want anything to do with me because I became so close to you, it says a lot when your my best friend.

I don't have to worry about where he is now, clasping a tight hold on my buttocks I can feel him part them, His gaze fixed upon the small bloodied ring. I had not needed to wait long for him to plunge into me again, this time both of us cry out in the pleasure and now he knows he's won me . Releasing my left hand. Able to bend and fully accept him, the nights activities are now for the both of us to enjoy. He reaches around and grasps my hardness, rubbing my tip with a finger, each small stroke sending my spirit higher, enflaming the soul, enjoying these damming acts more and more. How can I become the Elite i once was when I keep doing this? With his other hand gripping my side his claws burst the neat row of stitches that run down from my middle ribs to my hip, I cannot decide between pleasure and pain.

I try not to enjoy this, truely I try because I know If he pulls me in too close I'll never be able to the same friend to you I once was, everyone thinks your dead and gone and act that way, but I know you wouldn't leave us fighting this battle, one that you want to see finished.

I cannot hold it hold it to myself anylonger, I beg him to touch me and to treat my body how he wants to. I become weaker in mind in body the longer I am with him, more and more intoxicated, I can smell his scent all over me and mine on him. Touch me! Touch me! Touch me now!

"This...is..." He was at the point of breaking his limits, spilling into me as he usually does, hungerily I wait knowing that I will follow his lead, my walls clenched and tightened around his throbbing manhood, drooling at the mandibles. "...Not...what...I...want."

He stopped, denying himself the climax of his pleasure and robbing me of mine. Mistakingly I turn to look him in the eyes, I want to know what's wrong. But the words come out completely and utterly wrong.

"I want your body all the time." Gripping at his wrist, he recoils and lays his hand right across my face with all his force in his shoulder. Staggering backwards holding the palm to my face and looking back at it like a fool, excepting what? A tooth to have come loose, or my face to bleed?

He didn't even look concerned, instead he just lay back on the bed, his member had fuly retracted back in hiden behind his lips, and looked at me as I stood dripping with my own blood, covered in his marks and his scent, made to feel like some defencless daughter of a Kaidon!

"What brings such a change in my Ship Master?"

"Just go back to your quaters Arbiter..."

" What vexes you so that you wish my dismissal?"

He turned on his side, exposing his broad back to me, He must trust me to not worry what I may attempt to do to him. With him refusing to answer I begin the arduous task of bringing order to the small heap of armour plates by the door.

"I will leave if you want me to depart, may I ask when you will request me again?" There was a long and painful pause.

" I won't be requiring you again." He sat up and held his hand out to the sullied snow robe.

"I...I...Rtas?"

"I'm giving you up as a consort, The Counsil and other Commanders will not allow it."

"How would they know? Brother would you not fight for us?"

*Writers Note: Elites refer to each other as "Brother" as in brothers at Arms, however THel and Rtas' family names are very similar and this is one of many factors that make Halo Fans think they are related.*

"Us?"

"Yes, Us. Rtas don't you see? You're not just a male consort to make do, to me your Rtas, and I feel for you too." It was becoming harder to ignore with time that there was something in his constant wanting to see me. You see my sweet friend we Elites have no stigma about relations between it's men, least not when there is no...when some one like me isn't in the equation.

"For me too?"

" I am no fool."

" THel, you forget, as an Arbiter you have very little say in anything in politics, to the Counsil you are just a dead Elite walking."

" Your Elite."

" I would have you stay and my Elites turn against me for undermining the Couns-"

I lock my mandibles with his remaining two, my eyes closed. I feel his hand on my back and I sink further down. Opening my eyes again he smiled twistedly.

"Send me not from your side, your bed, your fleet."

" 'Vadam?"

"Yes?"

"I will see that you stay." He rolled me over onto my back and interlocked his fingers with mine. Hovering between my legs he started deep into my eyes. Then he pushed into my body, grinding into my groin...

Morning came and I was awakened by the sounds of Elites treking up and down the corridore to the mess hall for breakfast, I ached, everything hurt. Turning around I could just see Rtas out of the corner of my eye, his legs were still coiled with mine and he was still holding my hand with interlocked fingers. That night was different...I think I found my Bondmate that night, truely my Bondmate. It is still hard to let go of my past. I still want to absolve my sins, though I will have to find some other way in which to do it, because I am not prepared to give up the shameful acts with my Ship Master.I hope you will understand, my sweetestt friend, please come back to us Chief.

As long as I'm with Rtas my heart is at no greater hieght.


End file.
